'Sup, Internet? I'm back, bitches! Long time no bloggity blog.....but oh well....I'm back now and that's all that matters. Right?
So here's my end of 2018/beginning of 2019 blog post. Haven't done one of these in awhile. Should be interesting where this one goes!
2018 TRIED to end me. It didn't work. But let me back up.
January....so much snow! Missed work a few times because I was literally stuck. My car wasn't going anywhere. Enter the "scared I'm gonna lose my job" anxiety. February....someone broke into my apartment and stole my living room TV. Enter the "omg, someone could have killed me" anxiety and me refusing to go to work the next day until the landlord sent someone to change my locks.
March...informed my landlord that I was moving the first week of April.
April....moved uptown into a cute little loft style studio apartment. By myself for the first time EVER.
May.....my youngest son decided he wanted to live with me. Enter "omg how am I gonna pay the lawyer" anxiety. It got done and he is now living with me.
June tried to suffocate us all with the heat.....I think that's all I got concerning that month; although the anxiety was starting to worry me and I felt my depression trying to sneak up on me again.
July.....by the end of that month, I went to see my doctor. The depression and anxiety had me by the neck. (only because I can't realistically say "balls" LOL) My worst depressive episode to date. Didn't want to get out of bed. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was either numb or upset over something I didn't even understand. I say "my brain broke" but really, it was me. I broke. I needed help.
My MDD (major depressive disorder) was upgraded from "moderate" to "severe" and I got an official diagnosis of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder).
I was put on a leave of absence from work to start meds, counseling, and so that I could go to follow up appointments to monitor my meds and what was helping and what was not. I pretty much spent 3 months on my couch watching Netflix and Hulu. I didn't want to do ANYTHING else.
I became a grandmother (MiMi!) on October 18th. My grandson, Atticus, is beyond perfect!
That's when I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Baby snuggles are great antidepressants!
I went back to work October 29th. Felt good to be back. Meds working okay and I felt human again.
Began helping in other departments at work whenever it's needed or asked of me.
I love my coworkers; they make me feel accepted (for the most part LOL), needed, and most of all my help is wanted and appreciated. Which makes me feel good.
The grandbaby gave us a scare and needed surgery because he was getting sick and not gaining weight. In fact, he had gotten below his birth weight when they admitted him to the hospital. He got his surgery and is doing much better now.....we even get smiles now!
Ok, so health....job....now onto.....
yeah....that hasn't gotten any better. My nonexistent love life still remains a joke to me and most people I know. I can laugh at myself. I don't really care what other people think and I believe it's funny, as well.
HOWEVER, I REALLY need to stop getting interested in guys who are way too young for me and would never even consider me a possibility. It's okay, tho....it's VERY entertaining and makes me laugh. They didn't make them that hot when I was that age. So NOT fair!
It's really not my fault, though, honest! I've been single since 2014!! And pretty much celibate for 17 months (and counting lol) Hell, I haven't even been kissed since 2016.
Sorry, TMI....but that's what yet get when ya read my blog. Shit you didn't really want to know. HAHAHA
So anyway, my options are wide open. I'm entering into 2019 with open eyes and open heart, ready to love again. Yes, I'm a mushy, corny, old pervert. I call it hopeless romanticism.
Whatever. LOL I know something is coming soon. Someone. We'll see.
I've been researching a lot of different spiritual paths the last few months that I'm not ready to discuss yet, but I can say this....I like what I've been reading and it makes me feel whole ...(for lack of a better phrase). It just makes a lot of sense to me and I feel a connection. So many questions I've had growing up a certain way, now have at least been somewhat answered in a way that I can understand and perhaps embrace. I still have a lot of learning to do.
So yeah....2018 tried to do me in. Like it would be that easy???
That's cute.
So, 2019....whatcha got for me? I'm ready.
<3
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