Hello, again, Internet.
Thought I'd post another blog tonight; as I am VERY bored at the moment.
Nothing exciting to report; not really. I got a new tattoo (yay!) and gonna get my old one fixed/covered up soon. So there's that. OH and my caddy died (RIP) and I got a new vehicle. I love my Equinox and it gets better gas mileage; so yay for saving money.
Ya know, I wish I liked football. Or sports, in general. Or hunting. Or racing. Or cars/trucks.
Those manly things that men like-- they seem to want women who like the same. I can't help it. I'm not going to pretend to like something just to get a man interested in me.
To me, that's the same as lying.
But instead, I like movies, TV, music, and video games. I'm like an overgrown teenager. It annoys me sometimes; but only when I forget that I am actually a 41 year old woman.
Crap. In 3 months, I'll be 42. *sigh*
I wish I was taller, thinner, prettier. I used to think that I would find a man who would be interested in me for ME and not be so - what's the word??- "concerned"? --about what I look like on the outside.
Don't get me wrong; I think I'm freakin cute as hell; BUT I also know, that there aren't many men out there that "prefer" my body type. Ya know, that's okay, though. It's their loss anyway.
Because, when I love, I love with EVERYTHING I am. Some don't deserve that kind of devotion, respect, loyalty, love and affection. (or the great sex....just sayin *wink wink*)
I wish I was smarter. I know I'm not dumb or unintelligent; but there are things I wish I knew more about. I've thought about going to college again and working toward another degree; I still might. But I really don't have the time or energy to deal with that right now. Maybe someday. In the meantime, I shall read what interests me and that'll be enough. For now.
I wish that men my age would grow up. Stop chasing the 20 year olds that everyone knows won't last long. They rarely do. I mean, come on. Really?? When I'm interested in someone younger I'm a "Cougar"....*rolls eyes* What are men called when they are interested in someone younger?? MEN.
Whatever. I've dated younger men before and to be completely honest, they are way more fun to be around. Just sayin. What I'm trying to say is men like younger women; so where does that leave us "older women"? Alone and frustrated.
I wish that someone would actually LOOK at the real me. Not my weight, not my height, not my hair color.....just get to know ME. I guess even then, no matter how "great" my personality, it always comes down to the physical. I mean, I'm not morbidly obese; but I'm not a size 2 either. Not thin enough to be "hot" but not fat enough for "chubby chasers".....quite a predicament, huh? Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I wish I wasn't so concerned with it myself, but alas, I feel that I can always improve myself. I'm not unhealthy (physically)--I'm healthier than a lot of thin people, actually and I'm gonna get back into my work out routine soon. My only quirk? I get sad sometimes. Which I'm happy to add that I'm off my antidepressants AND my anti anxiety meds. Gonna see how that goes and if need be, I'll be back on them. However, I feel great right now.
I'm happy! Feels odd to say that, but it's true.
My kiddos are doing great! My grandbaby is doing great! I'm doing great!
I just wish that I had someone to share it with. You know, without trying to change WHO I am.
I don't think that's too much to ask. Do you?
Until next time folks.
<3
Cass
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