Has it really been over a year since I've posted here?? Yikes. Time for some venting, I guess....apparently, I've kept a lot in my brain the last year!!
So, basically, I've spent the last 3 years (off and on) waiting to hear 3 words from a man who wouldn't even hold my hand in public. I even said it first (kinda...it was in a message on FB, but it was still a huge deal!) and he didn't even acknowledge it. I thought I felt something for him, but soon after realized that I had to pull away from him. He was becoming more and more detached and unemotional. I can't love a man who can't love me; who cannot be affectionate outside of the bedroom. I pulled away from him when he started acting shady. I did something that I'm not proud of; I looked at his FB messages (yes I know) and my suspicions were confirmed. He lied to me about some things. I won't go into detail about it; but it was enough to make up my mind for good this time.
He didn't make me feel special or loved. Not for a long, long, time. That's why I broke up with him.
I have taken care of myself and my son alone for the last 5 years and that's something to be proud of. I'm perfectly happy being alone. I don't need a man to complete my life or define me; although it would be a great addition to my life to feel everything again. Butterflies, ya know? I realized today that the last time I said "I love you" out loud to a significant other, was the day I got divorced for the second time....the last time it was said to me....well, that's been at least 5 years ago. That's some sh*t, huh?
It's time for me to be by myself for awhile. If I meet someone, great. If not, oh well. When it's time, I'll know. But for now, I have decided that I'm not even going to try to meet a new man. I've got work to do before I'll want something serious again. I'm going to focus on my children and myself.
I'm finally comfortable in my own skin; I just don't like how I feel; physically. Mentally, I'm great. Strong. Emotionally, maybe a little vulnerable, but not sad or depressed anymore. I'm happy with ME. It's time for me to work on my physical health.
I've been working on eating healthier and I'm currently kicking a nasty Mt Dew habit...so far, it's only been a little over 24 hrs since I've stopped completely. I've been slowly drinking less and less of it and drinking a lot of water.
I go back to the doctor in about 10 days and we'll see what progress has been made. I've gained 10 pounds since September and have at least 60 pounds I want to lose. I've been walking more and drinking more water, but that's just the start. Soon, I'll be making time to go to the gym and that's when the fun will start.
Here's my goal: My birthday is in a little over a month. I'm hoping to lose at least 15 pounds by then. I'll keep ya posted (the very few who actually read this...lol)
Till then, it's in God's hands.
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