First Blog Of The New Year....hmmmm

OH the New Year started off so fantastically!! A guy I've known for a few years expressed an interest in me (so flattering!) and asked me out. Being as neither one of us had babysitters, he brought his daughters over to my house to hang out with me and my sons. On New Year's Eve. A first date. With ALL the children there.

Kinda places a little bit of pressure on all involved, eh? 

But the night went great. The kids all played together and acted as if they'd known each other for years. He and I...all I can say is "WOW". We hit it off great. It helps that we considered each other friends already and we had worked together for awhile.

I thought to myself "Finally, someone who understands me! Someone I could end up really falling for." 

Before I knew it, he was at my apartment everyday after work...spending the night (minds out of the gutter people, we actually SLEPT...lol)  and we were riding to work together. It was nice.

So very glad my own paranoia got in my way before I fell hard for him.

I won't go into detail about exactly WHAT went wrong. Let's just say, someone doesn't like to be disagreed with and honestly, I think he actually enjoyed arguing. *sigh* Other than that, he was almost perfect for me. There was an argument (two actually) and both were in front of children. (which I tried to prevent by sending my kids out of the room during the last one.) When a man raises his voice to me, I go on autopilot. I fired back and told him not to raise his voice to me, not in front of my kids and NOT in MY home. DONE.

So anyway, yeah...I find some real doozies, huh? So, now, I've got this whole "Screw love" mentality going on...all the while, with a secret crush still lodged inside my brain. Conflicted? You betcha!

Slightly distracted by that very short relationship;the first one since my divorce, I might add; I had let the secret crush just be a blip in the back of mind.  He lingered there for a few weeks and when my relationship ended, I realized that my secret crush was still there. And still adorable. (LOL) Will I ever say or do anything to let him know what's in my head? Doubt it.  

Yeah, remember that paranoia I mentioned in the last paragraph? Yep, it's not letting go for awhile.

This guy is different from most guys I've ever met. I can't really say how or why, but he just is. I tell myself to stop being stupid. It's ridiculous to think that this particular guy would even consider going out with me. 

Don't take that as me being down on myself. Cause I'm not (I'm freakin adorable! ;p). Let's just say, it's a long shot. I'll just collect another friend and ignore the rest, like I usually do. Not going to make a fool of myself and tell him that I think he's awesome and have him laugh at me. Sheesh.

No, it's not insecurity that makes me say this. It's me being realistic. I'm a single mother and that's hard enough without trying to convince a guy that being with me (and my kids) is something that he should do. It takes a very special kind of man to be able and willing to do that. 

Valentine's Day. Uuugh. Went to work and gave out little Hershey's Kisses to everyone who wanted one. Cute? Sure, ok. I smiled and was cheerful. Went home, ordered some comfort pizza and had a couple of Smirnoff Ices. 

Yep, I'm good.

All kidding aside, I really do feel pretty good these days. I don't have a man crowding my space (which I never really mind to begin with...but eh...), I don't have a man telling me what to do, who to talk to, what to wear, or what-have-you. I learned something from that very short-lived relationship.

I'd rather be ALONE than to be in treated the way I was treated.

Looks like the list of what I DON'T want is getting longer, while the list of what I DO what just seems to be filled with question marks.

C'est la vie, oui?

PS(and TOTALLY off topic): So not fair that the XFactor auditions aren't coming anywhere close enough for me to audition. Damn you, Simon Cowell!! 

Until next time, folks.