I didn't sleep well last night; but that's nothing new. Sometimes my brain doesn't shut up and I toss and turn all night. Usually, it's just random things that have happened throughout the day, something someone said or did; something I saw on TV or a song stuck on repeat. Sometimes it's just the run of the mill self pity. That sneaky depression sneaks up on me at the oddest times.
Last night, I was trying to find a way to say things that I feel I need to say. Not to anyone in particular, maybe to everyone, maybe just myself. Who knows.
This world is so full of chaos. Why do we take ourselves so seriously? Everyone gets offended by things that are none of their business. Everyone gets upset about the stupidest things when there is so much in this world MORE important to think about. To get offended about. To get UPSET about.
You ever want to just shake someone and scream at them "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!" That's me VS. the world. THE ENTIRE WORLD IS MENTAL. We've all lost our ever lovin minds!
I don't give a shit who uses what restroom as long as I don't have to watch anyone do it.
I don't give a shit what Kardashian is doing whatever the hell those people are famous for anyway.
I don't give a shit what comes out Kanye West's ignorant mouth.
I don't give a shit who wants to marry whom.
I don't give a shit what the media tells me I should be giving a shit about.
I care that there are starving children, not only in the world, but in our country; which is supposed to be the richest and best country on the fucking planet.
I care that there is suffering in the world that our country keeps throwing money at, yet no resolution or real help really reaches them.
I care that so many people are struggling to make ends meet although they are working a full time job....sometimes two.
I care that CEOs are getting insanely filthy rich on the backs of american workers.
I care that insurance companies are making a killing off medications that could SAVE LIVES if only people could AFFORD it.
I care that our politicians are ALL crooked. I don't trust ANY of them. When did we forget that they are supposed to work for US??
I care that there are children in the world with fathers who don't want to have anything to do with them.
I care that there are children in the world with mothers who don't want to have anything to do with them.
I care that there are people who are stigmatized for having mental health issues. Stigmatized for self medicating because of the STIGMA of mental illness.
I care that there are people whom I care about who are suffering in silence because they don't want to burden someone else with their issues.
I care that people are hurting and sometimes hurting themselves just trying to cope with that pain.
I couldn't sleep last night because I CAN'T do anything. I want to help. I want to take the pain away. I want to bring peace to people. I want to erase the pain of their past and show them a hopeful future...
....and I can't. I hate it.
I wish there was a way to just HELP. I wish I could be there to stop someone from snorting something up their nose, putting that needle in their arm, or lighting that crack pipe. To stop them and make them believe that they are worth more than that. Remind them that they are good enough. Remind them that life isn't something you should numb. Recovery is possible but the road is so hard and long and exhausting that I know it's excruciating to go through, let alone complete.
Life is meant to be lived! To be enjoyed! To be appreciated! To be celebrated! I want to wrap my arms around everyone struggling with depression, addiction, or any mental issue and hug their pain away. Tell them they are loved. They are appreciated. They are meant to be in this world!! YOU are someone SPECIAL and WORTHY of a happy life!! YOU DESERVE LOVE, TOO!! YES, YOU!
Feel what you need to feel. Feel it until you don't feel it anymore. Feel it until you feel something else! Stop numbing it! Live it. Embrace it! Turn it into your strength! Someday, the mind shattering negativity will turn into something more tolerable. Someday, what's more tolerable will turn into something that resembles a happy life. IT CAN HAPPEN.
I'm not preaching; I'm just letting my thoughts flow. Partly because I need these words sometimes, too. Sometimes we all need to know that there is someone out there that cares. Someone who cares enough to annoy the hell out of you, to check on you to see if you're okay, to make sure you are still alive.
Why can't we all just love each other? Why can't we all work TOGETHER to fix the issues surrounding our lives; the issues all around the world; the issues in our minds? Why does it have to be so hard!? I think if we were all just KIND to one another, this world would be a better place. It doesn't solve everything, but it's a start to live in a world with just a little more light.
We all have our battles, our demons that we fight just to survive. I'm not an expert. I'm no psychologist. These are just my thoughts. They rattle around in my brain; sometimes at night, sometimes throughout the day; sometimes in random situations where they don't belong. Getting them out helps me to get through the day, so that I can think straight.
I may not know exactly what to do. I may not have words of wisdom to bring about some enlightened epiphany, but I have a huge heart. I care. I love. I worry.
.....and as corny as it sounds, I wish I could just love it all away. Give the world a big hug and squeeze all the broken pieces back together again.
In a perfect world, I'd be able to do that; but the world is not perfect. It most likely will never be. We just have to make the best of what we have and work with what is before us. Be kind, always. If you are able to help someone, do it. If you can show someone compassion, do it. If you can love, do it with all you have. That's what I strive for. Yes, sometimes I get hurt. However, if I can make someone's day better, make someone smile, or somehow bring a little light in an otherwise dark existence; you can bet my sweet ass that I'm gonna try.
That's my gift to the world. Most don't want it, but that's okay.
I give it anyway.
Loves y'all <3
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